My Craziness
by Void.of.the.Apocalypse
Summary: Yeah... The first chapter should cover it, but what the hell. This is just a collection of one-shots and stuff like that, half of that probably won't be finished, but oh well.
1. Introduction

"Ah-hem, Suzuki-sensei would like to formally-"

" _As formal as she gets_."

"Shut the fuck up."

 _Whack_

"Ow! Kaiya-chan~!"

" _As I was fucking saying_ \- Suzuki sensei would like to formally-" Glares at Hibiki, "- introduce the most random one-shots, Omake's, and spin-offs of the fan-fiction _Suzuki becomes a Sensei!_ "

Shuffling around the papers, Suzuki sighs and adjusts her legs on her desk while looking at the paper with narrowed eyes, "She has been creating a few spin-offs she has been writing down so she doesn't forget - _Bull fucking shit_ \- And her laptop has been crashing recently because of the size of the file, along with the other-unimportant-files-for-other-writing-places. So now, she's going to dump all of her craziness on you."

"Tsk, I don't understand why she's making us do this." Grumbled Hisato.

" _Tsk, she's fucking doing this to fucking warn our viewers, you jack-ass."_

"Ouch, harsh." Kaiya winces.

" _Shut the fuck up._ " _... Hibiki..._

 _Whack_

"... Run..."

"... What..."

 _Whack_

 _Slap_

 _Thud_

 _"Oof!"_

 _Whack_

 _Shatter_

 _"Knock it the fuck off before I use your insides as my god-damned jump-rope!"_

"Yes Suzuki-sensei!"


	2. Life hates me

**_Started creating this chapter on 10/17/15_**

 ** _Auther's Note:_** I'm not sure what the hell happens or where it is when the Shinobi and White Zetsu's fight, All I know is that it's somewhere near Kumo, and some Konoha Shinobi fight with some of Kumo's shinobi somewhere near water and a cliff like thing. So I'm sorry if I get some things wrong. I'm not even sure if anyone died during that, and I'm not sure anyone else other than Neji died because of a White Zetsu.

 _ **Warning:**_ Swearing, Profanity, cursing, naughty words, potty mouthing, blood, red goo from owies, gore, about anything that relates to swearing and blood. Though there's not a trace of sexual content or kisses in any shape, place, and form.

 _ **P.S.**_ _ **You probably won't know what Suzuki looks like, or who some of the people she mentions if you don't read Suzuki Becomes a Sensei! first.**_

* * *

 _"Get back!" I yelled, holding up my arms to create the correct hand signs for the water style jutsu, "Water style: Freezing Bullets!" I watched in satisfaction as the icicles tore through some of the clone Zetsu's._

 _I frowned when I noticed that they just kept on moving, smiling like crazy sadistic killers. "Damn it all down to_ fucking _hell!" I swore under my breath,_ those fucking bitches just won't fucking die! _Taking a deep breath to control yourself, I thought, thinking of all of my jutsu's that I have._

Fire Tsunami? No, that uses too much chakra, it's a suicidal last resort.

Water Phoenix? If anything, that's an escape jutsu, it'll be useless to use that.

Dancing Flames? ... That might actually work, the fire will follow its targets and set them on fire, giving me time to make another attack. _Taking a deep breath, my hands mold themselves into the two hand signs necessary for the jutsu, and I moved my chakra into my mouth. I puffed out my cheeks, feeling the sparks of fire dancing around in my mouth. Without hesitation, I opened my mouth and pushed out the sparks of fire, I directed towards the ground and watched as they swirled into life, going after the white Zetsu's and setting them aflame, making them look like flaming melting ice-cream._

 _"Good job, Suzuki-san." I heard Kakashi tell me, after taking them down in their weakened state._

 _"Mm, no problem." I growled out, taking another white Zetsu with Water Whip, a whip that can tear through rock like butter. I noticed that the Shinobi and White Zetsu's were fighting dangerously close to the edge of the cliff, and it looked like the edges would give away if anyone stepped too close to the edge. I saw that one of Kumo's kunoichi's was fighting with a White Zetsu and that she was sweating and shaking and looked scared. I ran over to her and started fighting against the White Zetsu. Ignoring her shocked look, I pushed the Zetsu other the cliff and heard a faint noise, resembling a splash. Turning around, I nodded at the Kunoichi, and started fighting another Zetsu that was getting too close for my comfort._

 _Kick his face, kick his knee, knee his stomach, I did anything I could just to land a hit on the White Zetsu, snarling at him for making my body turn awkward angles, spins, twists, jumps,_ anything _to land a few blows on him. I watched as he tried to hit me as well. I ducked, dodged, twisted, spun, and jumped out of his way, trying to create some distance from him. My snarl never leaving my face, I lunged forward at the White Zetsu punching him on the face and watched as he flew over the edge of the cliff, momentarily forgetting about my footing and slipping down over the edge as well._

 _My blood froze, I never liked heights, they always made my blood freeze that made me remember that feeling you could get in Shimo, wearing nothing but underwear. I watched what looked like slow motion, the edge of the cliff taking everyone from my view, and the jagged edges of the rock wall taking their place. "_ Oh my fucking god!" _I hollered in my deep, now raspy voice as I tried to stop myself from falling, but only to end up tearing my arms and legs._

 _This is it._

 _I'm actually going to die._

 _Was I really going to go out from falling to my death?_

 _I think I now know what the fallen White Zetsu's felt like when they were pushed over the cliff._

 _I hope my little Genin don't die because of this fucked up war._

 _I hope that my death won't affect them..._

 _I hope they don't make themselves look like bigger fuckwits than they already are because of my death._

* * *

I opened my eyes to see a blue sky, with white clouds dotting it. "What the fuck..." _Am I dead?_

 _But I expected to go to hell, I killed innocent people for money._

Narrowing my eyes, I felt that my head feels different - my scalp, to be precise. My hair feels... different, almost. Sitting up, I see a river, with pebbles everywhere. A weird sensation came over on my head again... and a flop of hair blocks my vision. "What the fuck." I repeat, my hair isn't this long to be covering the only eye I have, I only have the longer bangs on my left side of my face to hide the fact that I have a missing eye. I moved my hand to look at the hair in my face. I tugged at it, yes, it is my hair. My hand moved to the back of my head, where it felt more shaggy hair. I froze again, my one eye widening. I had this kind of hairstyle up until I was ten! I got on my hands and knees and noticed another thing, I wasn't wearing my Jonin attire, I was wearing my casual attire, a baggy, grey, and short mens kimono tied with a dark red cloth that actually used to be a scarf, black baggy pants, and the regular ninja toe-less sandals, obviously black. And I also noticed another thing, every thing seems to be bigger, and further away, and the faded red cloth has been wrapped around my waist a few times and goes down to my mid thigh.

Looking around again I see the river and slightly jog to it. looking at my reflection, I see that my hair is defiantly longer than what I _died_ with, and my face looks younger, almost like when I was eight or nine. I still had the scars, but my face is chubbier and softer and rounder.

"Holy shit. Holy shit." I swore. My heat beat sped up. _Why the hell do I look like I'm fucking eight again, damn it!_ My heat beat then stopped, _Holy mother fucking power of ramen, my fucking chakra, damn it!_ I looked around again and raced over to a tree, _This better fucking work, damn it!_ I forced myself to calm down, taking deep breaths, and slowly let my chakra down to my feet, everything feels alright. I let myself take one step on the tree, testing it. then I take another. And another. I feel much better, _at least I still have my chakra._

Looking around for what felt like the millionth time, I felt like I've been here before, my mind's making the connection, but not connecting the dots. _I should get back to Konoha, see if Tsunade-sama is there, ask her what the fuck's wrong with me and if there's a way to fucking fix it. Tell my little brats that I fucking love them and that I'll never ever scare them again like that._ After thinking that, I looked up at the sky, wincing at the bright sun. I could tell that it was starting to set, so I'm assuming that it's somewhere around five or six. _Should I go up stream, or down stream?_ The thought nearly scared me. Depending on where I am and which way I choose, I'll either be facing the Konoha Gates, or I'll be in some other country. _Shit, I knew that I should've taken those geological classes, it would've helped a lot._ Feeling somewhat lost, I chose the what my instinct told me too, down stream.

* * *

After awhile of a mixture of running, jogging, hopping, and walking, the moon was now out, casting an eerie glow over everything. Feeling exhausted, I climbed up a tree with a giant hole in it, and curled inside of it.

 _First thing tomorrow, find food._

 _Second, try and clean clothes, the damn blood is annoying the shit out of me._

 _Third, find Konoha._

After multiple attempts of trying to go to sleep, I decided to skip sleeping, and find food. I looked out of the hole from inside the tree, the river might have some fish. Once again, I'm thankful for knowing how to fish, with or with out a fishing pole. I hoped out of the tree and walked by the river, _It's pretty cold out to night, so the water'll most likely be even colder._ Slowly waddling in the water, wincing as my toes started going numb. I walked until the water was just below my waist and I kept still.

About ten minutes later I saw a small group of fish swimming nearby me, and with lightning fast reflexes, I grabbed a little less than half of them and threw them on the bank, far enough where they won't flop themselves back in to the river. Walking out of the freezing river, I grabbed a small, but thick branch and killed the fishes with it. _I'm not going to eat them raw, I'll need wood._ After that thought processed in my mind I went and gathered some more wood.

I came back to where I left my fish and saw that they were all still there. Tossing down the pile of sticks I have, and brushing the hair out of my face, I left out six, the same amount of fish I have. I used one of my fire jutsu's to set the pile of wood on fire and started putting the fish on the sticks and sticking the sticks in the ground close to the fire.

 _I should really clean myself up, I don't like the feeling of stiff, bloody, and muddy cloths._ I walked over to the river and took off my shoes and left the a few feet away from the water and started stripping. I grabbed my pants and a rock and started scrubbing away the blood and mud, and I repeated that process with my top and the faded red cloth. Feeling satisfied at the dirty water and now very wet clothing, I dragged them back to the dry land and settled them there.

I frowned at the wetness of them, trying to see through the hair in my face, _If I wear them, then I'll most likely get sick, and I'm not sure if I still have my immunity like I did before I woke up here._

I scratched my imaginary beard, then I froze, _Does that mean I also might have lost my immunity to the poisons as well! Damn it all down to fucking hell!_ Tossing aside the clothing _neatly_ on the ground, I looked at the fire, the fish looked almost ready.

 _But first, I need to eat, I can't do anything on an empty stomach._ I grabbed the first fish at ate like I didn't have any manners, not like I was going to have manners to start with, with the way my hair is. I don't feel like eating my own hair. After finishing the last one, I was about to take out the fire when I got an idea. _The fire will dry the clothes and keep me warm._ I placed the damp clothing by the fire, close enough where I don't have to worry about setting them on fire, and sat next to them, shivering as I felt the wind prick at my skin. _Fucking hell, I don't like sitting out here half naked, with only wrappings covering me._ I scowled. _This is stupid._

* * *

Feeling achy, I took out the fire and threw on my clothes. Everything would have been normal is my waist wasn't so fucking small and had to wrap the red cloth around me a few times, and that my hair kept on getting in my face.

I looked around and enjoyed the forest and river, the way the now rising sun hits the slow moving waves, and how the shadows of the leaves dance on the ground. Snapping back to reality, I start to run, using chakra to enhance my speed. A few minutes of running, I slow down, noticing that the river splits into two different directions. _Damn it, life really likes to fuck me, doesn't it?_ I frowned. Instead of going with my instinct, I decided to climb a tree and look around at an higher view, if I was anywhere close to Konoha, I would be able to see the Hokage Mountain from a mile away.

 _Fuck yeah! I can see the back of the Hokage Mountain!_ Feeling excited, I started to run, not using my chakra, I need to use that to climb the mountain, and I could feel that my chakra was low. _I'm actually surprised that I managed to last this long while using my chakra, especially with that my body somehow changed into my eight year old self._ I quickened my pace, _I'll finally see Hibiki, Kaiya, and Hisato! It has been a month since I've last seen them!_ Grinning with excitement, I ran until my legs felt sore and burned. I stopped for a little break, grinning like a madman, at the back of the Hokage Mountain, _This is it! Just one more step to getting to Konoha!_ I brushed the hair that was sticking to my face, and moved my chakra to my feet and hands, and gripped the rocks that jutted out of the mountain, and made sure that it was sturdy, and not to look down.

It took me fifteen minutes to climb the back of the mountain, and I grunted as I dragged myself to the top. I huffed as I sat down, slightly wincing as my back ached. _Fuck yeah! I can finally see Hibiki, Hisato, and Kaiya!_

Feeling excited, and out of breath, I pulled myself up to shakily stand and looked at the strangely clearing that was void of any of the Hashirama trees that were there. _Oh shit! Konoha shouldn't have been attacked while I was away! Damn it! What do I do?_ Forcing myself to even my breathing and calm down, I itched at my almost-dry scabs that formed while climbing the back of the mountain. _Alright. Nothing's here, something could've happened. A little battle. Enemy lost. Konoha won. Lost forest made by Hashirama after Konoha was formed. I hope that's the case. Damn it, if life keeps on fucking me, I'll have headaches as far as they eye can see!_

I started limping over to the edge, _Damn it, I wish I could get a nice bath. And some sleep as well. I wouldn't be surprised that I'm already going grey, hidden by my grey hair. I'll worry about that when my back hair starts to grey._ Slightly smirking at my small inside joke, I limped closer to the edge where Konoha should be.

When I finally got there, I was breathless, _What the actual fuck! Damn it all down to fucking hell! If there truly was a battle, there should have been rubles! Not a fucking forest!_ Looking down - To where the Hokage faces were - I was surprised once more. _And the faces are gone as well! Fuck, fuck ,fuck! Just what the fuck is going on! The damn mountain side looks like it's never been touched before!_

My head pounded. It hurt to fucking stand. And I was lost somewhere that looked like Konoha, but didn't. _Of fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,_ oh fuck! _I won't be able to see my Genin! Damn it!_ My body seized, finally crumbling down as the stress and pain and exhaustion took me down. I felt tears slightly prick at my eyes. _Damn it! I should have moved faster so that bastard didn't take me down with him! Damn it! Damn him! Damn life! Damn my existence!_ I started trembling - pissed, sad - I couldn't really tell. _I just want to see my Genin! I want to see my village! I don't need to cry! I'll figure this out! I shouldn't being crying over shit like this!_

* * *

After my little... Breakdown... I sat there for awhile - Thirty minutes, a hour, two, three, who knows - I collected myself and forced my body to climb down the side of the mountain and walked where Konoha should've been. I noticed that things seemed different. The place still held the same kind of trees. But they seemed smaller, I thought that because I was almost three feet shorter than I originally was before I fell to my 'death' the trees should've been bigger. And that wasn't it, there were a few more plants than there should have been. There were a few house plants that looked a bit more fit for the wild, and there still were the poisonous thorn bushes that went extinct a few decades ago in this area. Feeling excited that I could use the thorns' poison as a weapon made me feel depressed - I needed to find out exactly what the fuck's going on, I shouldn't be excited at a poison that could kill someone.

Not only did I find that poison, I found a few plants I knew I hav-should an immunity to. Taking one of its leaves, I ate it. **_(Kids, don't do this at home, I'm not sure if it's possible for someone to have an actual immunity to most poisons. And I obviously don't know how one would get the immunity.)_** After waiting about an hour of exploring some more, I knew that I still held the immunity. _Thank the lords!_

That all happened almost a month ago. I'm still exploring and trying to figure out what exactly happened, but I found no leads. I needed a place to sleep, so I made this sucky-ass treehouse. I never had to teach myself how to make shit, all it is is a tree with pillars and a half-assed roof with leaves and bushes surrounding it to blend it in with the background. The only thing in there would be a pile of skinned animals that I had to hunt for.

And to finish this little update is that I'm sick, apparently my lungs are still as bad as they were before I died, so it's fucking hard to breath.

Now, here I am, standing in the middle of the forest while sweating up myself a pool - It might as well be a lake. Wheezing, I look around slowly, looking for any signs of life other than the occasional squirrel and bird. Pushing the hair our of my face I notice a small group of deer grazing in a clearing over a small bush. Smiling, I slowly take my sharpened stick and snailed my way to the clearing. My smile was soon turned into a small face of pain as my throat scratched at itself. _Well, it's now or never._ I cough harshly and that startled the deer, recovering from that harsh coughing fit, I race after them. _The one with the white socks looks like it's limping, I'll take that one then._ Altering my path from the group, I added more chakra to my steps and came in between the doe and the rest of her herd.

The doe was startled by my sudden appearance and fell to the side with wide eyes. Taking my sharpened stick, I stabbed it in the throat, and ended up having a coughing fit. _Damn... I'll never want to be stabbed in the neck, these coughs are painful enough!_ Shuddering at the thought, I pick up the dead carcass and dragged it back the shit-hole I call home.

* * *

Skinning and gutting was never fun for me. One, it's a mess and I'm not a fan of the blood smell that clings to me now. Might as well say that I massacred an entire village the way I smelled. Two, blood stains are a fucking bitch to get out. Now, my once pale grey half-mens-yukata thing is now a pale and splotchy ruby red. Three, there's no fucking shampoo. My fucking hair is now tinted red with all of the blood that's gotten on my head. Groaning as I flicked away some blood off of my face, I sigh and slightly winced at the pain in my chest. "I'm fucking stuck here with no one to talk to but myself, I've been here for a little over a month and now I'm wishing that those fucked up voices came more often than just in battles and panic attacks." I said to nothing. "Tsk, damn it. I'f I hadn't _died_ then I would be fine. But I'm not. Because I'm not dead. Because I'm not in hell."

Grumbling, I set up the fire with a small fire jutsu. "Hmm," _What to do, what to do._ Not thinking of anything better to do, I just sat there, waited for the meat to finish burning up, ate it, and went to bed to have dreams of all of my teammates that I've ever had. It's crazy that they most likely think I'm dead. Well I most likely am and this is an eternal hell of loneliness.

* * *

Waking up I noticed something wrong.

First off, there were people getting too close to my home that could be considered a fucking animal den.

Second, they seemed to be very, _very_ alive.

 _Hmm, so I'm still alive._

 _Or this could be part of my imagination._

And third, my sickness seemed to have gotten worse, so now either I'm going to starve to death, this sickness will kill me, or the intruders will find me a take me out.

Shaking, I roll out of my bed. _Tsk, I could have at least taken some weapons when I died, then I'd have at least some durable weapons to kill them, instead I'm using fucking branches as my kunai. Damn it, I miss my kunais._

Walking around the forest dumbly, I nearly feel over roots a little over fifty-two times. _This is fucking pathetic, instead of wondering around brain-dead looking for a god-damn stick to kill them with, I'm not even sure if they even realize what I'm doing!_ I snorted at my mind, when a little voice in the back of my mind decided to speak up, _Well, do you expect an eight year old kid stumbling around the fucking forest in the damned morning looking for a_ stick _to_ kill _with?_

 _Ah, nice one._

After looking around for another good ten minutes, I found a suitable thick stick that looked like a bone, _Oh! How I wish to use someones spin as a sword, their bones as my knives, and their pelvis as my fucking chair! And don't get me started on their insides!_ A sick voice in my head squealed in delight.

 _...I really need to see my therapist._

 _And a psychiatrist as well._

 _And maybe find an Mental Institution as well._

Sharpening an end of the stick with a near by rock, I listen for any movements.

* * *

 _ **Mm:**_ _Well, I'm not entirely happy with this, but I spent quiet a lot of time on this and I don't want this to got to waste. I'll be re-writing it as something else and completely copying and editing the scenes to my liking. When I feel like it, I'll actually continue this as another chapter._


End file.
